Hard Times of a Head Boy
by lilylovestoerag
Summary: James visits Lily before seventh year to tell her that he's Head Boy, and gets a lot more drama than he'd bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

30 August 1977

_L_

She heard the unmistakeable sound of Tuney's quick, angry footsteps down the second-story hallway of their Cokeworth home.

Three... Two... One...

"_Lily!_" yelled Petunia, busting through her bedroom door without knocking. She looked like she had smelled something rotten.

Lily was sitting ontop of her luggage, acting casual, trying to keep the overpacked mess from spilling onto the bed, her sister having huffed downstairs at the sight of her Potions supplies when she'd first returned home for summer.

Petunia eyed her up and down, suspicious, then accepted that nothing in the room appeared overly strange. Lily was getting better at keeping her school things hidden away in her trunk.

"One of your _freak_ letters came in the post," said Petunia, emphasising her favourite taunt. She was tightly clutching a pale brown envelope.

"They don't come in the post, they come by owl," said Lily, immediately regretting the correction.

Petunia threw the letter towards her head, missing narrowly, and walked out of the bedroom with her arms crossed. Moments later, Lily heard the unsatisfied slam of Tuney's own bedroom door.

She shuffled her bum off the luggage and onto the mattress, leaning down to grab the letter near her dust ruffles. The envelope bore a regal-looking seal with a crest in red wax, clearly something delivered by owl. It must have been dropped on the front step when Petunia had found it.

**_I need to talk with you in person. I wouldn't ask if it weren't important (and entirely unrelated to a date... I know you'll use this letter as fireplace kindling if I don't mention that)._**

**_Please meet me at 8:30 p.m. at the corner of Mill Road and Lundern Street in Cokeworth, a very convenient two-minute walk if you're averse to disapparating while you're home._**

**_Sincerely,  
_  
_James Potter_  
**  
He wanted her to meet him at the end of _her street_. She looked at the clock on her dresser: 6:52 p.m. Potter didn't believe in time to spare, did he?**  
**

She threw open her trunk and took out a sheet of parchment. Sloppily dunking a quill in black ink, Lily scribbled out the only message she could think to send him.

**_This had better be good._**

_**- L.E.**_

She hopped off of the bed to Tuppence's cage on the other side of the floor, her beautiful white and orange Barn Owl asleep on her perch.

"I have a tasty vole for you," said Lily, poking a finger through the open cage door. The owl's large eyes widened with expectation.

"That was a lie, I'm sorry," she apologised. Tuppence gave a small hoot of disappointment.

"But now that you're awake, I need you to get this to James Potter in, erm, Godric's Hollow, I think."

Tuppence sipped from the cage water tray and flew onto the windowsill. Out of regular envelopes, Lily stuffed the parchment into the first mismatched aqua-coloured thing she could find, something that went with an unused Muggle birthday card. Tuppence nipped impatiently at the window, and she muscled it open, watching her owl fly outside and into the distance.

What could Potter possibly want?

* * *

_J_

"I still can't believe she said _yes_," said Sirius, lying comfortably on the Potters' blue velvet fainting sofa. His hands were behind his neck-length black hair. "Are you sure it doesn't turn over to say, '_Only kidding, piss off,_' on the back?"

James was sitting on a wooden swivel chair in the family study, both elbows on his father's desk, re-reading Lily's response for the 20th time.

"Believe me, I checked," said James, narrowing his eyes with a "fuck off" smile at Sirius.

"I wonder how Evans will take the news..." said Sirius.

"I don't want her to find out at the Start-of-Term Feast, that's the point of doing this tonight," said James. "I'd like to avoid being tackled and choked on our first day back."

"Well, in that case, are you sure you wouldn't rather wait to tell her?" said Sirius, grinning.

James glanced at the gold wristwatch on his left arm. The longest clock hand was nearing the six.

"I should go," he said, walking to the middle of the room. "Wish me luck I don't get hexed."

"'Luck,'" smiled Sirius.

With a loud_ crack_, James found himself apparated to a quiet street corner of a bleak English suburb. The houses, uniformly grey and lifeless, were lined up and down both sides of the road for as far as he could see. The orange and red sunset bled across the sky above the rooftops.

James turned to look in the other direction, and saw a girl swing open an iron gate and latch it carefully behind her. The shock of her red hair against the colourless houses made his heart beat wildly. He hadn't seen Lily all summer.

She walked towards him, her bare legs visible in jean shorts, and smiled politely as she stopped several feet shy of where he was standing (her arms tightly crossed).

"So you really don't apparate while you're home?" said James, breaking the silence.

"No, it makes my sister uncomfortable," replied Lily, straightening up. "Sorry to be blunt, but why are you here?"

"I, uh..." he choked on his words, unsure of why he couldn't just spit it out. _Some Gryffindor._

"Look, James, if this is about a date-"

"It's not," he interrupted, her pity-use of his first name snapping him back to his usual confidence. "I just thought you should know that we're going to be working together this year."

Lily looked to the side and back at James, her eyes narrowed in confusion and anger.

"What are you talking about, Potter?" she said, stepping closer to him.

"I'm Head Boy," said James, exhaling deeply.

"No you're not," she practically spat. She was looking up at him, cheeks flushed in anger. "How could you be Head Boy? You're already a bloody Quidditch captain."

"I got the letter at the beginning of the month. I didn't know it'd be you, too, but then Sirius told me that Marlene had seen you recently, and..." he trailed off, unsure of how to finish his sentence. "Anyway, best to deal with this now, probably."

"You don't say," said Lily, sarcastically.

"I'm not _that_ bad," he said, offended.

"You and your idiot friends have made school a hundred times more annoying than it had to be for everyone else. How am I supposed to do Heads' duties with someone who blows up toilets for a laugh?" she said, pointing at James. "At least Remus _tries_ to do well the rest of the time."

"I haven't blown up a toilet since I was _fifteen_, and I_ do_ try to do well," said James, angrily. "I'm sorry if you're stuck on what happened in fifth fucking year, but I've grown up since then."

Lily's arms crossed over her body again, her shoulders hunched and her gaze on the grey pavement beneath them.

"I'm sorry," she said. Her voice had softened for the first time.

She looked at James and sat down on the kerb, her legs stretched out on the deserted town road. James sat down beside her. His gangly legs made his trainers look a full foot ahead of hers.

"You're clever, I know that," said Lily, staring at her shoes, "but you do understand why this is confusing to me?"

"I don't know why Dumbledore didn't choose Remus, but he didn't," said James. "We're just going to have to, uh, what's the phrase? 'Go with the flow.'"

Lily let out a loud stream of air from her nose and chuckled.

"If you stop using terrible idioms, maybe," she said.

"Yes, sorry. May the force be with you," he tried to say solemnly, barely containing his smile.

She raised up a fist and punched him lightly on the top of his arm.

"So I guess we're going to have to try harder at getting along," said Lily, making a face.

"Well, don't look _too_ thrilled about it," teased James.

The vibrant colour of the sky was fading quickly.

"Just show up to all of the meetings, be a leader, and stop telling Peeves to dump water buckets on Filch," she said, stifling a laugh.

"You knew that was me?" said James.

"_Everyone_ knew that was you," she said, a grin stretched across her face for a moment. "Just please don't mess this up. And no more flaming toilets, ever."

"Do you want that in an Unbreakable Vow?" he joked, and she hit him on the arm again, harder.

"_Yes_, I will put all of my efforts into doing this job," he said, locking eyes with her.

She raised a pinky in front of him.

"Er, what are you doing?" he said, sneering at her hand.

"A pinky swear, it's a Muggle thing," she said, sighing. "Just hook your damn finger with mine."

He copied her gesture, and slowly raised his finger before drawing it back to his body, hesitantly.

"This isn't magically binding, right?" he asked, feeling like an idiot.

"Only in the way that I'll hex you in the crotch if you don't follow through," she said, cheerfully.

She stuck her pinky finger forward again.

"Repeat after me: I, James _middle name_ Potter..." she began.

"'I, James _Charlus_ Potter...'" he repeated.

"Promise to work really hard..."

"'Promise to work _really_ hard...'"

"And not be a giant wanker..."

"I somehow doubt this is pinky swear regulation," he said, furrowing his brow.

"Hex. Crotch. Three of something you don't want three of," she said, coaxing him to finish.

"'And not be a giant wanker...'"

"Because Hogwarts deserves better than a giant wanker as Head Boy," she finished.

"Even Slytherin, though? _Really?_" he joked.

"I'm beginning to think you _want_ three," said Lily, tilting her head.

"'Because Hogwarts deserves better than a giant wanker as Head Boy,'" said James, quickly.

"That's the spirit," she laughed, hooking her pinky with his.

Merlin, her hands were soft. James was certain that this was the most civil they'd ever been with each other. He also couldn't remember a single time he'd _touched_ her.

"See? We're not a bad team," he said, smiling weakly. James pushed himself to his feet and extended a hand down to her.

Lily stood up, brushing dust from the kerb off of her bottom.

* * *

_L_

They were walking towards her house at the end of the street. She saw James squinting his eyes to make out the pond and the willow tree beyond where the street stopped.

"Could we go there?" he asked. It was an innocent question, but her stomach turned at the thought of sharing the hill with anyone, anymore.

Lily thought of the maple spinners, a flower in her palm, the scathing remarks from her sister, and a boy whose friendship had kept her sane when they'd only had each other. She'd found a maple spinner in her Potions textbook at the end of sixth year, bewitched to flutter out of the pages and into the air around her. She had plucked it from the air and stared into her palm, before crushing it with a closed fist and letting the damaged wings fall to the classroom floor.

"No, it's boring over there, really," she said, trying not to stir his interest.

They arrived outside of the short and unimpressive iron gate that guarded 248 Lundern Street, her childhood home. James ran a hand through his hair and ruffled it up. Lily got the impression that it was more of a habit by now than the actual desire for the windswept, just-rode-a-broomstick look. Then again, it was James Potter, so probably not.

"So, Potter, this is it," she said, standing in front of him with her back to the gate.

"Until the train, in a couple days," he reminded her.

"Then it _really_ begins, doesn't it?" she joked, widening her eyes for exaggeration.

"I'll remember the pinky swear," said James, with an unusual sincerity in his voice.

He held out his hand between them, in position for a handshake. Lily slid her hand into his, and James shook firmly, the corner of his mouth raised in a small smile. They dropped their hands, not letting go.

"I, um..." she started saying, staring at him.

He let go of her hand, and turned his head. It was nearly dark, but she could have sworn he was blushing.

Her limbs controlled themselves.

Lily watched herself move towards him as she touched his hand to get his attention, then placed her fingers on his neck and leaned up to kiss him, feeling his hands rest hesitantly on the dips of her waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and snogged him with a new and surprising fire. She hadn't known it was there, she really hadn't.

James pulled away his lips for a moment, staring at her with a look of confused astonishment.

"That was... new," he said.

Lily still had her arms around his neck. She released them and stepped away.

"If that was weird, I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that," she said, embarrassed.

She had turned to walk away, when she felt a hand reach for hers and gently pull her back. James put his arms around her waist and kissed her softly, him giving her the chance to back out and leave. She didn't want to go.

They leaned against the stone wall, pulling each other closer and acquainting their mouths for the first time. After a minute, Lily held his cheek and and parted her lips from his, slowly, giving James one last lingering kiss. He was slow to open his eyes.

"I should go," she said, walking backwards. She unlatched the gate.

"Should we talk about this?" he asked, still standing where she'd left him, his hands shoved into his trouser pockets.

"On the train, okay? I'll find you on the platform," she said, walking quickly to her front step.

She turned back in time to see his confused (and somewhat hurt) expression as he disapparated in a twisted blur and was gone from the pavement. Lily dropped her forehead quietly against her front door, eyes closed in frustration.

_Shite_.


	2. Chapter 2

_J_

James apparated directly into his Godric's Hollow bedroom. He was dizzy, and stumbled from the middle of the floor towards his bed. He broke his fall with his hands, holding the end of his four poster oak bed frame and breathing heavily. His lack of focus upon leaving Cokeworth had caused him to splinch, leaving a long, jagged gash on his left forearm. It looked like someone had stuck a knife tip deep inside of him and dragged.

He squeezed his right hand overtop of what it would cover on the wound, smearing blood and wincing at the stinging pain. James reached for his wand in his pocket, and practically shouted his spell.

"_Accio_ Dittany!" he said, dropping his wand to catch a small bottle that had coughed itself out of a chest of drawers and flown across the room towards him.

He uncorked the bottle with his teeth, pouring its liquid back and forth along the gash and feeling the immediate relief of the potion. The blood on his arm reversed back into the wound, and delicate pink scar tissue bridged between the sides of the gash before his eyes.

James exhaled deeply and shook his head. _You could have avoided that.  
_

He had watched Lily practically run from him, her red trainers moving a mile a minute towards her front door. He was certain that the expression on his face, when he disapparated, had been a horribly confused look. Did she fancy him? Did he imagine it all?

The first kiss had taken him by surprise entirely. He'd barely registered what had happened when she'd apologised to him and started to leave. After he'd lunged for her hand, he'd taken Lily in his arms. Her mouth had moved so assuredly with his, and they'd tottered several steps back together to lean against the front garden wall. He had never wanted to stop snogging her, but she'd slowed her lips with several small kisses and given him a gentle goodbye. James had squeezed his hands tighter on her back and reluctantly opened his eyes to the reality of her leaving.

Sirius knocked loudly on James' bedroom door, walking in without waiting for a response.

"Prongs, what the hell," he said, concern on his face. He was staring at James' arm.

"I got splinched," said James.

"I guess it's good that Evans didn't do that to you," said Sirius, trying to lighten the mood. "She, er, didn't, right?"

James shook his head with a small smile.

"How'd it go?" asked Sirius.

He looked up at Sirius, unable to explain all that had happened in the last half hour. James was content to convey this in a shrug.

"That bad?" said Sirius, sitting on James' scarlet comforter.

"Well..." he said, moving his head back and forth.

"I'm having a one-sided conversation here, mate. You're going to have to to give me something," said Sirius.

"She snogged me," said James, finally.

"With her... mouth?" said Sirius.

"Yes, with her mouth!" he shouted, still cranky from the pain.

"Blimey, James, I don't think Professor Wingey could have seen that coming," said Sirius, referring to Hogwarts' Divination teacher.

James was anxious for Thursday to come, to see Lily and be able to talk it all through. He had given himself hope that some part of her really did fancy him. He imagined them sitting on the red sofa in the Gryffindor common room, Lily straddled over his lap in her uniform pinafore, his glasses lopsided from snogging. (An entirely unlikely scenario, given that there's no real privacy in the common room, but he could dream.)

"I'll knock you up in the morning and we can discuss it then, if you want. I'll be downstairs," said Sirius, retreating from the bedroom. He knew when to leave James be.

James lied down on his bed and shoved a pillow underneath his neck. He was uncomfortable and eager for summer to be over, unable to think of anything else but Lily and the answers (one way or another) she'd have for him on their first day of term. Suddenly, his eyes grew wide. He had an idea.

* * *

_L_

Lily picked impatiently at the curly cream-coloured telephone cord in her bedroom. Her best friend, Hestia (another Muggle-born), had told Lily that she'd ring back within a few minutes. Hestia had been in the middle of bidding _adieu_ to her boyfriend of several years, Charlie, who'd come to stay at the Jones' for the week. Lily was eager to share her news and have someone make any kind of sense of it.

Lily picked up the phone after one ring.

"If you two snogged anymore, your lips would fall off," she joked.

"Er, is this the Evans' household?" said a male voice, a few decibels louder than a normal telephone voice. _No._ It couldn't be...

"Who is this?" she demanded.

"James Potter. Who am _I_ speaking to?" he asked.

"Well, you called _my_ house," she said.

"So this is Lily Evans, then?" James asked, again, a smile detectable in his voice.

"No, this is Jane Foster," said Lily, sarcastically, sitting up against her headboard and squeezing the bunched-up telephone cord like a stress ball. He made her nervous without even trying.

"Send my regards to your friend, Thor," he said, laughing.

Lily narrowed her eyes.

"How do you know about comic books?" she said.

"Sirius' younger brother used to sneak them into the house. We'd take them from under the mattress, where Reg hides things like an amateur," said James.

"You are... surprising. And annoying, blimey! How do you always know everything?" she said.

"I couldn't wait for Thursday to talk to you. If you want to pretend what happened, well, _didn't_, then just say the word," said James. "Unless you'd like to talk about this is person?"

Lily was frozen in indecision. She stayed silent for nearly thirty seconds._  
_

"Lily?" said James. He swore under his breath, perhaps thinking she'd hung up.

"It's really strange to hear you call me that," she said.

"What do you want to do about this?" he said, sounding embarrassed.

She stared at her school trunk. If they didn't sort this out now, it was going to be a very awkward train ride to the school together.

"Meet me in front of my gate again in ten minutes," she sighed.

James said a quick goodbye, and she walked into the bathroom and brushed out her tangled red hair into something more presentable (she really hadn't been that keen to look good when he'd come round the first time). She turned off the light, walked downstairs, and felt the cool late August breeze on her bare legs as she made her way outside to the street.

She hoisted herself up on the cement front garden wall and waited, taking in the stillness of the suburb, entirely dead even this early into the night.

Lost in thought, Lily nearly fell off the wall when the sound of a car backfiring made a loud crack several feet from where she was sitting. There stood Potter, unreasonably-fit-for-just-playing-Quidditch Potter, looking at her with an unreadable blank expression. He threw up his hand in a wave that made him look like he was giving an oath.

"Hi, again."

* * *

_J_

Lily used both arms to push herself off of the wall and stood in front of him.

"I don't want to stay here, we need to go somewhere," she said.

James was caught off guard by this greeting. He racked his brain for somewhere to go, a place to be alone and talk with her candidly that wasn't her house, or the nearby field, or his house (Sirius was there), or the place that they were standing on the pavement. His mind was still cloudy from before, but he held out his arm to her and told her to touch it.

Within a moment, James felt the sensation of being shoved down a too-tight space and spat out in an instant, feeling some nausea. Lily must have been going through the same, as she was clutching her stomach and bending forward, looking like she might be sick.

"Are you alright?" he asked, contemplating trying to help her in some way.

She straightened up and nodded her head.

"Yeah, I've just never apparated in a pair. It's difficult to do well when you don't know where you're going," she said.

She glanced down at her feet, wriggling her toes up and down against the red material of her shoes.

"I think I left a few toenails behind. I just painted them, too," she said, disappointed.

James didn't even blink at her statement. As sixth-years, they'd been so used to losing various nails and eyebrows after apparition lessons that it was commonplace to compare what each other were missing.

He looked around, adjusting his eyes to the darkness. He had brought them to the beach.

"Where are we?" she said, removing her shoes and burying her feet into the sand.

"Cornwall," said James. "I was thinking about the water."

The sea was lapping noisily on the shore, pushing white froth towards them. The sky was too black to see much scenery, but James could make out the steep cliffs around them and the deep blue of the water. The moon had been full the night before (poor Moony), but it still shone big on the sea, looking like a funnel-shaped trail of diamonds. He hadn't _intentionally_ picked "a long walk on the beach" as the way they'd sort through things, although it must have looked like it to Lily. It was colder there than in Cokeworth, but he'd refrained from offering her his jumper, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

He watched her walk barefoot into the wet sand, standing where the waves broke and kicking at the water when it rushed forward. She didn't look ready to talk at all, and he wouldn't have said anything to disturb her had she not turned around and told him to join her.

"You're missing out on the last of summer, here, Potter," she smiled, waving him over.

"Isn't it freezing?" he said.

"It's always freezing," she said.

He took off his socks and shoes and rolled up the hem of his trousers, looking like a prat. He made a running jump for a wave, landing almost knee-deep. Yes, it was cold.

"I know we had all of ten minutes apart, but I was thinking about it," said Lily, looking at him. "What needs to happen, I mean."

"And what is that?" he said.

"We need to be friends this year," she said.

"What if I don't want to be your friend?" said James.

"What do you want to be, then?" she said.

"More than that," he said, quietly.

"We weren't even on speaking terms an hour before you showed up!" said Lily. "Yes, I kissed you, _yes,_ you're the cool James Potter, but things don't just change that fast."

"You think I'm cool?" he almost laughed.

"Don't be a twat, you know what I meant," she said, holding back a smile.

"You're being surprisingly calm about this," he said, suspiciously.

"We're going to be working together, remember?" she said. "If we don't want to be memorialised as the Head Girl and Head Boy who murdered each other, we'll have to let some things go."

She walked out of the water and onto the dry sand and plunked herself down. James followed and sat beside her. They were looking out onto the sea, their arms behind them, propping themselves up. He had decided to lie down and stare at the unusually clear stars, when his view was obstructed by a rain of red hair hovering over him.

"You're bloody killing me, Evans," he said, and she leaned down to kiss him, their lips not hesitating at all to meet.

He reached for her waist and pulled her on top of him, Lily straddling his abdomen. If this was how she needed to figure things out (he thought, between kisses, as she moved her hips gently on his), he wasn't sure he really minded...


	3. Chapter 3

1 September 1977

_L_

She ran through King's Cross Station with her trunk shifting back and forth on its trolley. Lily was panicked, sweating, and _oh so late _for the rigid 11 a.m. schedule of the Hogwarts Express. _10:58_. Without so much as a pause, she hurled herself into the brick wall at platform 9 3/4 and reached the other side with incredible speed, nearly taking down an already-frightened first year hugging his parents goodbye. As Head Girl, she was supposed to have arrived a timely half hour early, but her ride (Petunia...) had stayed over at Vernon's the night before, and showed up to get Lily twenty-five minutes late.

She abandoned her trolley, jumped onto the train, and tugged her trunk by its handle up several steps with her, doing laboured breathing. _11:00_. The train whistle blew loudly, and the Hogwarts Express was jolted forward on its journey towards Lily's second home. It was only when she was walking through the corridor and calmed down enough to think that she realised she was rolling her trunk towards the private Heads' compartment. In her panicked rush just to get _on_ the train, Lily had forgotten what awaited her when she did. She knew who she would have to see (and talk to, and pretend to be normal with... _Merlin_). Things had ended badly with James two nights before. Her mind flashed back to Porthcurno Beach, snogging James on the sand for what seemed like forever, and the row they had had when he'd inevitably stopped to ask her what it all meant. They'd screamed at each other while the ocean crashed behind them. She couldn't erase James' face (or the stinging insults they'd given each other) as he'd shaken his head and said, "You know what, Lily?" and disapparated without finishing the thought, leaving her with the sounds of the waves. She remembered the moment right after he'd gone, when she'd looked to the cliffs and seen no lights, no other people. She had never felt so alone, knowing that James was not coming back.

Lily dragged her trunk a little slower, and, by chance, heard a booming laugh from the compartment she was passing. Lily stopped and peered through the clear glass windows.

"I'm_ just_ saying, she's fit for an older woman," said Sirius, his palms raised in the air.

"You're incredible," said Remus, shaking his head with his arms loosely crossed.

"_And_ she teaches Transfiguration. I think it could happen over a few Butterbeers!" said Sirius.

Lily knocked lightly on the glass, holding back a giggle at the conversation she'd just eavesdropped.

Three boys whipped their heads in unison to stare at her, and Remus leaned over to open the sliding compartment door.

"Hey, Lily," he said pleasantly, closing it behind her.

Sirius' face was not welcoming. She had a feeling that James had told him what had happened. She gave him a polite smile, but his eyes were shooting daggers.

"What brings you to our humble student compartment? Shouldn't you be with the Head Boy?" asked Sirius, challenging her.

Lily was feeling more uncomfortable by the second, but she wasn't about to let Sirius Black shame her back to the corridor. She was Head Girl, and she was a _Gryffindor_.

"I was late to the train, I haven't seen him yet," she shrugged.

"I'm sure he'll be pleased to see you," said Sirius in a sarcastic tone.

"Padfoot, knock it off," said Remus.

"He splinched himself twice after coming back," said Sirius, looking directly at Lily.

Lily was taken aback for a moment, picturing James hurt and bloodied. She opened the sliding door, her anger at Sirius rising.

"Stop holding me responsible for the things he does to himself," she said, walking out and slamming it shut.

* * *

_J_

James had set up something of a work station on the small desk near the window of his empty compartment. He glanced over at the (in his opinion) neatly folded black robes and Head Boy badge sitting on the seat beside him, and sighed. He hadn't seen Lily board the train, but he was certain she had not missed it, and hiding from him wasn't in her headstrong nature. After looking up repeatedly at every sound in the corridor, James realised just how nervous he was to see her again. It hadn't even been two full days, but it felt... far away. He returned his attention to the prefect schedules, making adjustments to patrol times, when the compartment door moved open, and there stood Lily.

He was a deer in headlights, and if he hadn't been so caught off guard by the very person he'd been expecting, he might have laughed at the comparison. Lily walked in, averting her gaze and lifting her trunk to an overhead shelf with the use of her wand. James watched her, unable to look away from her serious expression and the tightly balled fist of her wand hand.

"Do you need any help?" he offered, unsure of how to break the ice.

"I'm managing," she said coolly, her green eyes still focused on the trunk. "_Vinculum_."

Two thick beige ropes appeared out of nowhere, wrapping themselves snugly around her trunk and the shelf to keep her things in place. She walked over and sat opposite him at the tiny window table. The first eye contact they made was hard to read. Her face gave nothing away. If she were upset, James could no longer tell.

"Can I see what you're working on?" said Lily, dragging the patrol schedule with one finger across the table without waiting for an answer.

"Yeah, I thought I'd get a head start on assigning prefect duties," said James, watching her scrutinise the parchment.

Lily turned it around to face James, and slid it back across the table.

"Why are Remus' days switched with Abigail Horner's in the last week of the month?" she asked.

James froze, not entirely prepared to answer her question.

"He has another obligation," he said.

Lily looked dubious, but she didn't press it further.

"James, I'm sorry," she said, appearing to have let out a breath she'd been holding since she'd sat down. "What I said to you at the beach was cruel."

He was surprised by her apology, because he was the one who owed it to her. Lily grabbed her chest-length red hair and pulled it behind her back before tucking it behind her ears. Something about her now felt open and vulnerable. James remembered, feeling guilty, how he'd left her in the darkness of the beach.

* * *

30 August 1977  
Porthcurno Beach, Cornwall

_J_

He stroked a hand through her hair, Lily straddled on top of him, while their mouths worked busily together. He couldn't stop touching her (for half an hour now), and when they'd first started kissing, he'd tasted flecks of saltwater on her lips. James was certain she could feel his erection through his trousers, and as she grinded up against him, he had trouble not thinking of the things he wanted to do together.

Lily shifted her bum back from his hips to sit _directly_ on top of his crotch. A small, happy groan escaped his lips, and Lily rolled off of James, pulling him on top of her, his body lying in the space between her legs. James stared down at her, smiling, and she lifted her neck, giving him a soft kiss before dropping her head in the sand again.

"Don't get angry, but your skin is illuminating itself," joked James.

Lily made a face and whacked him in the shoulder. She was already pale, but the moonlight made her look silver. It was dark out and the beach was without Muggle lighting, but James could see enough to know that she was smiling. He looked up to stare at the sky, shades of black and blue and spattered with stars.

"What do you say to being a proper couple?" he asked, grinning down at her again.

She gently pushed his chest away with one hand, and crawled out from underneath of him. They stood up, and Lily crossed her arms tightly, appearing as she did when they'd first met that evening. In an instant, James realised that all of their progress had been erased. He'd broken an unspoken agreement between them, attempting to name what they were doing.

"James, I'm sorry, but I can't," she said, her tone apologetic.

"I don't understand why you can kiss me when no one's looking, but the idea of being together is mad," he said.

"I don't know!" said Lily, looking at her feet.

James was suddenly angry at himself, and the situation. He'd imagined her saying yes a thousand times in his daydreams, but he was now confronted with the fact that she didn't want him, and it felt more raw than usual.

"So, do you do this with everyone who fancies you, then? Snog them then let them down easy?" he said.

He was immediately disgusted by what he had said to her, but the betrayed and venomous look on her face told him that it was too late to take it back.

"I hate _everything_ about you, Potter," she said. "The minute I get to Hogwarts, I'm turning in my badge. I'd rather give up something I've worked six years for than have to spend a _second_ talking to you again!"

"Fine! Why don't you run back to Snivellus and hate me together," he spat, the ache in his stomach growing worse.

"You're the same obnoxious idiot you were in fifth year, and if you think for a _moment_ that you're good enough or clever enough to be Head Boy, you've been hit in the head with one too many bludgers," she said, fire in her eyes.

"You know what, Lily?" said James, a knife of truth and insecurity slicing through him.

He turned his head towards the dark and choppy waters, and then looked at her and disapparated.

* * *

*More to come.


End file.
